Sunday, 22 March 2009
-sry no pics-
haiz what a dull day i had so far 4 today..i had RUN FOR PEACE in the morning..i had to wake up early in the morning and go 4 a run??..bt i didnt run anyway..firstly because i have no one to accompany me unlike Suba in old school where we ll run together 4 any running occasion..i thought i might be enjoying myself running bt my thought turned out the otherway..i didn't enjoyed myself...i always have this fear or scary feeling of trying my best to build up or better words to strengthen my new friends relationship together..everyday i have to think of a way to make myself welcomed to the new school,new enviroment,new people and new....i thought after the day i had did all of them,tomorrow the day will be better..however it is nt..it seems that i have to redo the same thing over and over again..i m getting tired..i don't think i m even welcomed to the new alien place..i never like KLANG at all bt i just come and settle down here just for my dad sake..i as his child and the eldest among my sibling can never protest any of my dad's order or anything he said..or i m only going to worsen the problem he had to solve about my siblings(they didn't want to move)anyway that is not a matter anymore because we are already here staying in KLANG..(my dad he is happy,my mum is happy,my siblings 2 bt nt to me...i dont know when is my turn)
i admit i always have mood swing..i can be happy today and sad or moody the next day...i just can't help it..(my mum always advise me 2 change or else i ll be the most miserable girl on earth..bt my thinking is not that i assume no 1 ll even want to be friends with me)
back to today..
actually i m kinda lost here..i m nt sure whether how much my new friends actually like me..or should i say how much they even want to be my friends..sometimes i think maybe i can be one of them because i think they r no much different with my friends back in old school..they r roughly the same in characters..talking with them reminds me with those in 4A last year..(i love last year)everytime i think about 4A i really regretted moving here..(however there is no point regretting right now)i was really sad when my friends kept pushing me here and there although they did nt think this might displeased me however i still think it that way..i do nt want to say it out clear who is who that had offended me bt i really wish and hope that i do nt need to do so..really..i was suppose to run with her today she promised she ll..bt today out of no where she just dumped me to my other group of friends and told me to run with them..i felt like crying when she does so..in my thinking why did she did that i mean it just happened suddenly..she told me that she needs to run with one group of friends and she hope that i can join the other group..with my big heart i just agreed..i mean if she does nt want me to run with her then fine..so i joined my other friends..later my new group of friends wants to go go one of the friend home so one by one they left and i m alone there..i didn't realise all of them had left me..i dont understand r they trying to tell me in that way that (hey u r nt invited her)so i wen to search for my originally supposed to run together friend..i waited for her quite long so i thought she had started her running so i just left the place where v r suppose to meet..bt later she called me n said dat she had arrived to our meeting place..then i had to again go back there..i was suprised to se so many guys which is so call her group of friends that y she dumped me for to go with them..so she asked wme my problem and i told her then she reluctantly asked whether i want to join her bt i know she is nt sincere asking me so i said it is ok i ll just wait till the girls to come back..(i m nt sure whether is she afraid that i might snatched those guys from her or something i mean come on if she knows me she ll know i ll never do that)then same they go away and i m left there again alone..however i called again the girls and i managed to catch up with them in the end..nt all of them that i know really well among the girls..it is only a girl which is my classmate that i know and a girl that kinda friendly whom i need to communicate in chinese to..frankly i dont feel comfortable because i gt this feeling that i didn't make an appoinment with them and i m there with them..i understand this feeling because back to last year i got the same feeling too when all of us r alien to each other in 4A..bt that feeling doesn't fell on me bt to someone else..i really felt this is really funny because now only i understand this feeling of nt welcomed..haiz..
it just felt awkward when i m with them i felt so left out cause there is nothing in common to talk i mean nothing much to talk about so i ll just keep quiet and open my mouth whenever there is any neccesary to say..i barely know anyone there..so i felt like a leftout i mean i dun mind dat if he or she wanna speak chinese to me i don't mind it is nt dat i m really pro in speaking english or as though i ll talk to u only if u speak in english to me...usually among my friends,close friends i ll be the one talking a lot,especially with my closest friend whom i misses the most back in 4A..v ll never stop talking for a minute..v ll just keep talking talking and talking...even sometimes people don't understand me..i know i m nt the type of outgoing person bt i m nt the person who just keep quiet and hide myself either..bt i confessed i m very sensitive..if i gt the feeling people does nt like me i can sensed it and i ll never even dare to approach to the person anymore..i don't like da feeling of getting kick out of the group..i care for my friends and people around me until i don't really care what m i and my real self anymore..i m really scare because i don't recognise myself anymore..i can be this character here and another character the other side..sometime people confused on who m i actually..i m shy too..i ll never voice out any of my ideas because i m afraid people might laugh at me and it is because i m a sensitive type i ll kept reminding myself that people r starting to hate me and dislike me even this thought is false..i really hope that i can be someone cool and likeable..bt if i keep thinking trying to be this tryin to be that really i m gonna kill my own happiness..so everything that had happened today really making me thinking so much on how my life and happiness gonna go on..nt only that i felt that i m also losing my friendship on the other side,i can feel that there is a gap between my friendship and i..i dont know whether v r still thinking alike..still sharing the same interests and sharing many other things..i can feel that all of us r walking on our own pace and path...OMG who can i ask to help me..i know there is no point seeking helps from my both parents..they ll advised me bt their advises doest help me cos when i m telling them my problems they somehow ll twist here and there my story and they ll end up be talking bout something else until i don't know whether r they still discussing bout my problem or theirs..i don't know whether they understand what m i trying to tell them..or r they trying to tell me that they is no point thinking or to be sad bout my problem because their problems r so much more compared to mine..anyway if they dont help me to solve this problem of mine then who ll.. they ll just worsen it because this feeling ll just keep conquering my mind and i ll just keep being miserable..i hope 1 day an angel ll just stop by i mean really stop by at me and help me...
-miserable elaura-
haiz what a dull day i had so far 4 today..i had RUN FOR PEACE in the morning..i had to wake up early in the morning and go 4 a run??..bt i didnt run anyway..firstly because i have no one to accompany me unlike Suba in old school where we ll run together 4 any running occasion..i thought i might be enjoying myself running bt my thought turned out the otherway..i didn't enjoyed myself...i always have this fear or scary feeling of trying my best to build up or better words to strengthen my new friends relationship together..everyday i have to think of a way to make myself welcomed to the new school,new enviroment,new people and new....i thought after the day i had did all of them,tomorrow the day will be better..however it is nt..it seems that i have to redo the same thing over and over again..i m getting tired..i don't think i m even welcomed to the new alien place..i never like KLANG at all bt i just come and settle down here just for my dad sake..i as his child and the eldest among my sibling can never protest any of my dad's order or anything he said..or i m only going to worsen the problem he had to solve about my siblings(they didn't want to move)anyway that is not a matter anymore because we are already here staying in KLANG..(my dad he is happy,my mum is happy,my siblings 2 bt nt to me...i dont know when is my turn)
i admit i always have mood swing..i can be happy today and sad or moody the next day...i just can't help it..(my mum always advise me 2 change or else i ll be the most miserable girl on earth..bt my thinking is not that i assume no 1 ll even want to be friends with me)
back to today..
actually i m kinda lost here..i m nt sure whether how much my new friends actually like me..or should i say how much they even want to be my friends..sometimes i think maybe i can be one of them because i think they r no much different with my friends back in old school..they r roughly the same in characters..talking with them reminds me with those in 4A last year..(i love last year)everytime i think about 4A i really regretted moving here..(however there is no point regretting right now)i was really sad when my friends kept pushing me here and there although they did nt think this might displeased me however i still think it that way..i do nt want to say it out clear who is who that had offended me bt i really wish and hope that i do nt need to do so..really..i was suppose to run with her today she promised she ll..bt today out of no where she just dumped me to my other group of friends and told me to run with them..i felt like crying when she does so..in my thinking why did she did that i mean it just happened suddenly..she told me that she needs to run with one group of friends and she hope that i can join the other group..with my big heart i just agreed..i mean if she does nt want me to run with her then fine..so i joined my other friends..later my new group of friends wants to go go one of the friend home so one by one they left and i m alone there..i didn't realise all of them had left me..i dont understand r they trying to tell me in that way that (hey u r nt invited her)so i wen to search for my originally supposed to run together friend..i waited for her quite long so i thought she had started her running so i just left the place where v r suppose to meet..bt later she called me n said dat she had arrived to our meeting place..then i had to again go back there..i was suprised to se so many guys which is so call her group of friends that y she dumped me for to go with them..so she asked wme my problem and i told her then she reluctantly asked whether i want to join her bt i know she is nt sincere asking me so i said it is ok i ll just wait till the girls to come back..(i m nt sure whether is she afraid that i might snatched those guys from her or something i mean come on if she knows me she ll know i ll never do that)then same they go away and i m left there again alone..however i called again the girls and i managed to catch up with them in the end..nt all of them that i know really well among the girls..it is only a girl which is my classmate that i know and a girl that kinda friendly whom i need to communicate in chinese to..frankly i dont feel comfortable because i gt this feeling that i didn't make an appoinment with them and i m there with them..i understand this feeling because back to last year i got the same feeling too when all of us r alien to each other in 4A..bt that feeling doesn't fell on me bt to someone else..i really felt this is really funny because now only i understand this feeling of nt welcomed..haiz..
it just felt awkward when i m with them i felt so left out cause there is nothing in common to talk i mean nothing much to talk about so i ll just keep quiet and open my mouth whenever there is any neccesary to say..i barely know anyone there..so i felt like a leftout i mean i dun mind dat if he or she wanna speak chinese to me i don't mind it is nt dat i m really pro in speaking english or as though i ll talk to u only if u speak in english to me...usually among my friends,close friends i ll be the one talking a lot,especially with my closest friend whom i misses the most back in 4A..v ll never stop talking for a minute..v ll just keep talking talking and talking...even sometimes people don't understand me..i know i m nt the type of outgoing person bt i m nt the person who just keep quiet and hide myself either..bt i confessed i m very sensitive..if i gt the feeling people does nt like me i can sensed it and i ll never even dare to approach to the person anymore..i don't like da feeling of getting kick out of the group..i care for my friends and people around me until i don't really care what m i and my real self anymore..i m really scare because i don't recognise myself anymore..i can be this character here and another character the other side..sometime people confused on who m i actually..i m shy too..i ll never voice out any of my ideas because i m afraid people might laugh at me and it is because i m a sensitive type i ll kept reminding myself that people r starting to hate me and dislike me even this thought is false..i really hope that i can be someone cool and likeable..bt if i keep thinking trying to be this tryin to be that really i m gonna kill my own happiness..so everything that had happened today really making me thinking so much on how my life and happiness gonna go on..nt only that i felt that i m also losing my friendship on the other side,i can feel that there is a gap between my friendship and i..i dont know whether v r still thinking alike..still sharing the same interests and sharing many other things..i can feel that all of us r walking on our own pace and path...OMG who can i ask to help me..i know there is no point seeking helps from my both parents..they ll advised me bt their advises doest help me cos when i m telling them my problems they somehow ll twist here and there my story and they ll end up be talking bout something else until i don't know whether r they still discussing bout my problem or theirs..i don't know whether they understand what m i trying to tell them..or r they trying to tell me that they is no point thinking or to be sad bout my problem because their problems r so much more compared to mine..anyway if they dont help me to solve this problem of mine then who ll.. they ll just worsen it because this feeling ll just keep conquering my mind and i ll just keep being miserable..i hope 1 day an angel ll just stop by i mean really stop by at me and help me...
-miserable elaura-
1:47 pm The FEMM FatalesY
Welcome!
This blog is shared by four best friends
FEMM Members
Elaura,MayQin,
Weimund,Ferlin~New Years Resolution
♥Get STRAIGHT A1s for SPM!Quotes of the Day
The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice.What does FEMM wants today?
World Domination!The Talkative Box
FEMM's Circle of Friends
->Dacky,the...*ahem->Liann,FEMM's lover no1
->Erik,the lamer
->Mayqin,the sexy babe
->Sharon♥Lesley
->Leonie,the lala
->KenYoong,the monkey
->Xingsan,the tall freak
->Andrew,the beatboxer
->Adam,the emo fish
->What's new bitch? (smkseafield)
->Sueanne,the beauty no1
->Shermaine,the beauty no2
->Jane,FEMM's lover no.2
->LuTion, Baby lotion
->Pastor Kevin
->Kristie,Lesley's adorable cousin no1
->Michelle,Lesley's adorable cousin no2
->Hanley,the quiet
->Edward,the guy who didnt keep his promise to Lesley
->Miss Jeneft,the person who loves US
->PuanChong
->SungLin,the super tall
->DicVinn
->CityHarvest
InteractSeafield,the dead
->SMKSeafield,the school FEMM is gonna burn
->Bernice(Eilim),the cute
->Daphne(Eilim),the beautiful
->Steven(Eilim),..uh..
->John(Sunway),the...
->Shi Yun
->Chen Ai
->Cynthia
->Yen Chyi
->Larissa
->Steph
FEMM's Previous Posts
November 2008December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009